Its been awhile since alot of this stuff has crossed my mind. Not that I've forgotten just merely have grown.
November the holiday season continued to get closer and tension began to rise. Alot of the women in there missed their families, their kids, husbands grandchildren etc. The institution decided that smoking was no longer going to be allowed in the facility so of course you can imagine the kind of chaos that brought with it. Once again what the hell could we do? These women didn't stick together and snitched on each other whenever the opportunity presented itself.
The day after smoking was completely prohibited a huge fight broke out in D dorm, the dorm I stayed in of course, even though it had nothing to do with me that shit was funny. Jess and Coco where fighting over some dumb shit. A pair of state shoes from personal property. I was like seriously? These dummies are fighting over the states shit. Wow.... In the midst of the fight the whole dorm was crowded around watching this shit was entertainment! Karen, loud mouth, ignorant ass, Karen was front row and center giving blow by blow details, like a ring side announcer for WWE. The c.o. working that side that day rushed in trying to break up the brawl. I understand its her job and all but she got the short end of that deal. They had Mrs. C all against the wall in a tizzy. The warden and major ran into the dorm and eventually the fight got broke up. The warden was so upset bc for once she didn't have control of the situation. She ran into the dorm kicked her shoes off showing her ass, you can tell people that were raised in the ghetto never leave some things behind no matter how bougie they try to act.
This fight resulted in the whole facility being on lock down, nobody could use the phones, we could only order our personals from commissary. They was tripping. That's what happens when people don't have control at home they go to work and let what authority they have go to their head. There was a sergeant like that too. A bunch of rule changes came from this dumb ass fight. Lock down went from 11 during the week to 9:00 count, and 11 on the weekends versus 1:00 count. So whatever I felt like fuck it I'll be home soon. One night my bunk mate was curling my hair (w/o talking, the new rule, no talking in the bed areas) for my visit the next day and this particular sergeant came in & told us to stop. I asked him why we couldn't continue, we weren't breaking any rules posted or otherwise. Being the asshole he was he wrote me an institutional charge. This was like the fifth one I had gotten that month. When it came time for my "hearing" he was the hearing officer for my previous charges that he didn't write. While in there he asked me what it was I had against him. I told him nothing and asked what he had against me. He looked puzzled as if he didn't understand what I was asking him, even though I was only repeating his question. I explained to him that I felt like he singled me out to pick with me often times he was on the floor. He asked for a particular example and I told him. After this conversation was over he dropped the charge he had wrote and said that he would be more conscience of that. Ever since that day I didn't have any more issues with that one.
I guess the lesson I learned was this: you can stand up for what you believe in, in a respectful manner it always gets you alot farther.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
School of the Hard Knocks
September 2008- My birthday was getting close and I started to become depressed. It was hard for me to be in there and not with my family. Over the past couple of months I had formed my own little family and learned to play pinochle. My friends Mandy and Rachel were in a relationship and Kristin was my "little sister". Rachel was 'daddy' and Mandy was 'mama'. Kinda crazy but whatever.It made our harsh surroundings not seem so bleek.
The funny thing about Lurds was this: One minute they were the man the next the woman. Or they would scream how they were gay their whole lives but had five kids at home with their mamas and their baby daddy coming to see them every weekend. They really were a trip.
The season started to change the thunderstorms would remind me of my dad and I would pray that God would see me through the storm. This was all about perseverance and faith and knowing that I was going to come out this a better person.
I had also built relationships with the older women in there and loved every minute of the time I spent with them. Ms.Doris was an older black woman that worked in the staff kitchen. She kept it real and kept a smile on her face. She didn't mind telling anybody how she felt. Every time certain c.o.'s would allow us to run wild and raise hell she would go directly to the supervisor and complain, but she would always tell that she told it. Ms. Donna was Ms. Doris's ace boon coon. They played cards together and talked everyday I'm not sure if it was because the maturity level or just that they had done so much time they just knew the easiest way to pull time. Ms. Donna was very quite and kept to herself. She used to crochet and knit some of the most beautiful shower bags and various different arts and crafts it was real talent. For my birthday she made me a jewelry box with a slot for a picture at the top that her and Ms. Doris packed full of candy. I still have that jewelry box to this day. She put so much thought and effort into it was amazing! They used to call me George because one day I got tired of people calling my name while I was trying to rest. I got up mad and said " I wish ya'll would stop calling my name before I change it!" Ms. Doris laughs and says to me "Well, what you want them to call you?" The only name I could think of was 'George'. She laughed and laughed so from that day forward that's all they would call me.
These women would always be in my heart throughout all the years that have transpired from then to now. Being a number in the system instead of a human being was despicable but people like them made the time go by so much and taught me the lesson of humility.
The funny thing about Lurds was this: One minute they were the man the next the woman. Or they would scream how they were gay their whole lives but had five kids at home with their mamas and their baby daddy coming to see them every weekend. They really were a trip.
The season started to change the thunderstorms would remind me of my dad and I would pray that God would see me through the storm. This was all about perseverance and faith and knowing that I was going to come out this a better person.
I had also built relationships with the older women in there and loved every minute of the time I spent with them. Ms.Doris was an older black woman that worked in the staff kitchen. She kept it real and kept a smile on her face. She didn't mind telling anybody how she felt. Every time certain c.o.'s would allow us to run wild and raise hell she would go directly to the supervisor and complain, but she would always tell that she told it. Ms. Donna was Ms. Doris's ace boon coon. They played cards together and talked everyday I'm not sure if it was because the maturity level or just that they had done so much time they just knew the easiest way to pull time. Ms. Donna was very quite and kept to herself. She used to crochet and knit some of the most beautiful shower bags and various different arts and crafts it was real talent. For my birthday she made me a jewelry box with a slot for a picture at the top that her and Ms. Doris packed full of candy. I still have that jewelry box to this day. She put so much thought and effort into it was amazing! They used to call me George because one day I got tired of people calling my name while I was trying to rest. I got up mad and said " I wish ya'll would stop calling my name before I change it!" Ms. Doris laughs and says to me "Well, what you want them to call you?" The only name I could think of was 'George'. She laughed and laughed so from that day forward that's all they would call me.
These women would always be in my heart throughout all the years that have transpired from then to now. Being a number in the system instead of a human being was despicable but people like them made the time go by so much and taught me the lesson of humility.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Just Another Day
March 2008: I looked around my surroundings and as shameful as it was became a little bit complacent. It didn't take me long to get into the swing of things, I had made some more friends and had my daily routine down. I already had my GED so I didn't have to attend any kind of educational classes but I wish that I had the intellectual stimulation in that place was non existent! I couldn't wait for the day they called our group to leave this recieving unit. "Sit your asses down and shut it up" was all I could hear Mrs. Franklin say when she entered the pod with the mail. I made my way to my bed hoping a praying for some kind of mail. I was really concerend because I hadn't heard anything from my grandmother and father in a few weeks and things like that always made me think the worst. My daddy was sick and I didn't know how I was gonna handle something happening to him why I was here, and my grandmother was my rock. Right, wrong or indifferent she always had my back and loved me inspite of all the madness.
I waited and waited and once I seen her leave without calling my name I cried inside and said a silent prayer that everything was ok.
The middle of March brought the day the correctional officer called our names to pack our things. I couldn't be more excited! I tried and tried to get in touch with my grandmother but because the last time I was in jail I ran the phone bill up calling collect and there was now a block on the phone. I understood, however frustrating it was.
"Where are we going?" I asked April, a two time vetern of the prison system.
She laughed and shook her head "Girl you know they try to be all secretive and shit, like they didn't tell us when they classified us".
That was true, they did recommend that I be sent to Central Virgina Correctional Unit #13 aka Pocahontas. So off there I went with Tia, Tihirah, Matessa, and Vanessa. Vanessa was my friend. She was an awesome person and through all the things we had been through when we were free and the things we were going through now, she stayed consistent.
They sent me and Vanessa to 'B' dorm and that made it seem a little less scary and everybody else went to 'D' dorm. I was glad me and Nessa were togather. She introduced me to some people she knew from her jail and traded a girl five stamps for two cigarettes. I was thankful for that roll up! It had been so long since I had smoked a cigarette I probably shouldn't have smoked that one at all.
The next morning I was sound asleep in my bed and woke up to Lt. Robinson aka Lt. Rob calling my last name to pack my stuff. I ran back to Nessa's bunk and woke her up to tell her what she told me.
"I don't know whats going on" I said to her scared to leave my best friend.
"I don't know either" she gave me a hug and helped me to pack my stuff.
They wound up moving me to D dorm and I had a new bunkmate who was in the hole for a 209 (an institutional charge for having sex with another inmate). When I got in the dorm the whole block was asleep that wasn't at work and school. The c.o. showed me to my bunk and I started to unpack my stuff and get settled in all over again. At least they didn't ship me all togather.
Once chow was done, six o'clock count was done, and mail call over I looked over at my 'neighbor' and couldn't help thinkin about what man in my life he looked like. It wasn't like she was a L.U.R.D. (lesbian until release date) she wore tons of makeup and had the darkest, thickest sideburns, beard and mustache I have ever seen. She thought she was the shit but in all actuality she won't shit. People would tell me what a bitch and how she was a snitch and I was like whatever. Nobody is gonna do shit to me for one and for two she won't have the oppurtunity to tell anything on me. She was a trouble maker who other than sleeping next to her I stayed the hell away from.
As the time kept moving I became more involoved in different activities. Just like every convict I became 'reformed' and found what's called jail house religon. I became active in the church choir and was in school five days a week. I worked at night time painting, waxing and buffing the floor. Really though I just wanted to work at night because I could take a shower in peace and it made my days not seem as long. Being in that place made my survival instincts become overactive with ways to keep my mind and spirit from erroding with depression and regret.
I waited and waited and once I seen her leave without calling my name I cried inside and said a silent prayer that everything was ok.
The middle of March brought the day the correctional officer called our names to pack our things. I couldn't be more excited! I tried and tried to get in touch with my grandmother but because the last time I was in jail I ran the phone bill up calling collect and there was now a block on the phone. I understood, however frustrating it was.
"Where are we going?" I asked April, a two time vetern of the prison system.
She laughed and shook her head "Girl you know they try to be all secretive and shit, like they didn't tell us when they classified us".
That was true, they did recommend that I be sent to Central Virgina Correctional Unit #13 aka Pocahontas. So off there I went with Tia, Tihirah, Matessa, and Vanessa. Vanessa was my friend. She was an awesome person and through all the things we had been through when we were free and the things we were going through now, she stayed consistent.
They sent me and Vanessa to 'B' dorm and that made it seem a little less scary and everybody else went to 'D' dorm. I was glad me and Nessa were togather. She introduced me to some people she knew from her jail and traded a girl five stamps for two cigarettes. I was thankful for that roll up! It had been so long since I had smoked a cigarette I probably shouldn't have smoked that one at all.
The next morning I was sound asleep in my bed and woke up to Lt. Robinson aka Lt. Rob calling my last name to pack my stuff. I ran back to Nessa's bunk and woke her up to tell her what she told me.
"I don't know whats going on" I said to her scared to leave my best friend.
"I don't know either" she gave me a hug and helped me to pack my stuff.
They wound up moving me to D dorm and I had a new bunkmate who was in the hole for a 209 (an institutional charge for having sex with another inmate). When I got in the dorm the whole block was asleep that wasn't at work and school. The c.o. showed me to my bunk and I started to unpack my stuff and get settled in all over again. At least they didn't ship me all togather.
Once chow was done, six o'clock count was done, and mail call over I looked over at my 'neighbor' and couldn't help thinkin about what man in my life he looked like. It wasn't like she was a L.U.R.D. (lesbian until release date) she wore tons of makeup and had the darkest, thickest sideburns, beard and mustache I have ever seen. She thought she was the shit but in all actuality she won't shit. People would tell me what a bitch and how she was a snitch and I was like whatever. Nobody is gonna do shit to me for one and for two she won't have the oppurtunity to tell anything on me. She was a trouble maker who other than sleeping next to her I stayed the hell away from.
As the time kept moving I became more involoved in different activities. Just like every convict I became 'reformed' and found what's called jail house religon. I became active in the church choir and was in school five days a week. I worked at night time painting, waxing and buffing the floor. Really though I just wanted to work at night because I could take a shower in peace and it made my days not seem as long. Being in that place made my survival instincts become overactive with ways to keep my mind and spirit from erroding with depression and regret.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
The Beginning.....
JANUARY 2008 - I'm sitting here looking around the cold, dim room that will be my home until the day the Commonwealth of Virginia decides I'm no longer a threat to the order of society. I am 22 years old and have been sentenced to 3 1/2 years in the penitentiary. I couldn't really put together exactly how I felt other then what the fuck do I do now? I cried continuously and was so thankful that I didn't have another female in there with me because I needed to go through these emotions on my own. My father and best friend was so sick I knew that he would no longer be living the day I became free again. That saddened my heart tremendously, the one person who had my back, loved me in spite of all my demons, never forsaken me and who spoiled me rotten would not see the end result of the struggle that I was about to embark on. I reached for my bible and turned to the book of Joshua.
The words of Joshua 1:9 engulfed my heart and gave me a sense of peace that I would make it through. "Be strong and courageous for the Lord, your God has commanded you and will be with you wherever you go", those words impacted my life in such a huge way I closed my eyes searching for the peace to take hold so I could sleep and meditate on what I had just read.
FEBRUARY 2008 - The sound of the loud hydraulic door unlocking at 4am woke me up from a not so peaceful sleep. I looked sleepily at the correctional officer at Blue Ridge Regional Jail confused. "B & B" (bed and bags) sounded like the heavens playing a melody. After 10 months, and 3 jails later I was ready to make my way into the scary world of the prison system. I was stagnating in the jail, no kind of intellectual conversation or stimulation was driving me insane. I was ready to move around and hopefully rush this time out of the way.
I arrived at Southampton Receiving and Pre-Release center and seen how many other women were on their way in and hoped and prayed that I would find someone who was scared as I was, somebody to form some sort of alliance with because I knew nothing of prison other then what I seen on t.v. . I looked around and was confused and scared and just wanted to go home.
After what had seemed eternity they shuffled all 10 of us that came in that day to cosmo to get our hair cut to above our shoulders and our nails trimmed off. I sat down in the chair and the lady who was responsible for cutting our hair was an inmate too. We exchanged the usual small talk, and I wish I would've just kept my big ass mouth shut because I apparently distracted her. My long beautiful strawberry blond hair was butchered! One said higher then the other long pieces of hair just hanging nonchalantly from wherever it had been. I didn't want to cry and seem vain but this was all just so overwhelming.
Once we arrived in the cell block, more like an open dorm with four rows of twenty five bunk beds, I looked around and tried to absorb it all but this was all so new to me and honestly, scared the shit out of me! I slowly walked to my bed, bunk 19 and found a tall slender lady with short red hair. She kind of reminded me of a female Kevin Bacon. I started to make my bed, just like in the jail, you know tying the ends of the flat sheet so I didn't have to sleep directly on the plastic mattress. Once this task was completed I started to put my things away and scanned the room for girls from Lynchburg. Of course I was the only one. Out of no where I hear this sniff and a voice introduce herself. "Hi, I'm Jewel. Whats your name and where are you from?" She sounded friendly so I made conversation with her. I told her where I was from, how old I was, and how long my sentence was. She told me that she was from Tidewater, Virginia Beach to be exact and then asked if I wanted to play cards. I agreed, what else did I have to do? During the card game she introduced me to my bunk mate, Jodi, and her bunk mate Kim. Throughout the game of spades we played they explained the rules and routine of Southampton. Count time (where all inmates on the compound stand at the end of their bed and get counted to make sure that all prisoners where still present) was at 6am, noon, 6pm, 9pm, and 11pm. We had to stand at our beds in complete silence until count cleared for every count time except the 11pm. They explained all the things that I would be doing over the next week, doctor visits, educational screenings, and an orientation from the warden about what was expected of us grown women. They also explained what officers we could and couldn't get away with stuff with and who to stay away from in the pod. "Thank God for them" was all I could think of as I made it through the first day of prison without being stabbed, raped or any of the other awful things I had seen on t.v. .
That day was the beginning of the life lesson that would change my life forever.
The words of Joshua 1:9 engulfed my heart and gave me a sense of peace that I would make it through. "Be strong and courageous for the Lord, your God has commanded you and will be with you wherever you go", those words impacted my life in such a huge way I closed my eyes searching for the peace to take hold so I could sleep and meditate on what I had just read.
FEBRUARY 2008 - The sound of the loud hydraulic door unlocking at 4am woke me up from a not so peaceful sleep. I looked sleepily at the correctional officer at Blue Ridge Regional Jail confused. "B & B" (bed and bags) sounded like the heavens playing a melody. After 10 months, and 3 jails later I was ready to make my way into the scary world of the prison system. I was stagnating in the jail, no kind of intellectual conversation or stimulation was driving me insane. I was ready to move around and hopefully rush this time out of the way.
I arrived at Southampton Receiving and Pre-Release center and seen how many other women were on their way in and hoped and prayed that I would find someone who was scared as I was, somebody to form some sort of alliance with because I knew nothing of prison other then what I seen on t.v. . I looked around and was confused and scared and just wanted to go home.
After what had seemed eternity they shuffled all 10 of us that came in that day to cosmo to get our hair cut to above our shoulders and our nails trimmed off. I sat down in the chair and the lady who was responsible for cutting our hair was an inmate too. We exchanged the usual small talk, and I wish I would've just kept my big ass mouth shut because I apparently distracted her. My long beautiful strawberry blond hair was butchered! One said higher then the other long pieces of hair just hanging nonchalantly from wherever it had been. I didn't want to cry and seem vain but this was all just so overwhelming.
Once we arrived in the cell block, more like an open dorm with four rows of twenty five bunk beds, I looked around and tried to absorb it all but this was all so new to me and honestly, scared the shit out of me! I slowly walked to my bed, bunk 19 and found a tall slender lady with short red hair. She kind of reminded me of a female Kevin Bacon. I started to make my bed, just like in the jail, you know tying the ends of the flat sheet so I didn't have to sleep directly on the plastic mattress. Once this task was completed I started to put my things away and scanned the room for girls from Lynchburg. Of course I was the only one. Out of no where I hear this sniff and a voice introduce herself. "Hi, I'm Jewel. Whats your name and where are you from?" She sounded friendly so I made conversation with her. I told her where I was from, how old I was, and how long my sentence was. She told me that she was from Tidewater, Virginia Beach to be exact and then asked if I wanted to play cards. I agreed, what else did I have to do? During the card game she introduced me to my bunk mate, Jodi, and her bunk mate Kim. Throughout the game of spades we played they explained the rules and routine of Southampton. Count time (where all inmates on the compound stand at the end of their bed and get counted to make sure that all prisoners where still present) was at 6am, noon, 6pm, 9pm, and 11pm. We had to stand at our beds in complete silence until count cleared for every count time except the 11pm. They explained all the things that I would be doing over the next week, doctor visits, educational screenings, and an orientation from the warden about what was expected of us grown women. They also explained what officers we could and couldn't get away with stuff with and who to stay away from in the pod. "Thank God for them" was all I could think of as I made it through the first day of prison without being stabbed, raped or any of the other awful things I had seen on t.v. .
That day was the beginning of the life lesson that would change my life forever.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)